On Church…
I am going to try yet another different church this weekend. I had told the liturgical director at my “home parish” that I normally cantor for that I was potentially out of town this week, so she actually planned a different cantor which means I get the week off from a church that is slowly destroying my soul. Many of our parishioners have moved on to the church I am going to try tomorrow (later today I guess since it’s 1am already), and I know the music ministry director already, so I’m hoping that is good. The unfortunate part is it requires a 25 minute drive. I hate having to drive a half hour when there is a church five minutes away, but I really don’t know if I can handle staying at my home church much longer. I’ve tried a bunch of other churches in the past two years… and I found one or two that I liked for the most part. I think perhaps my greatest problem is that I’m still trying to find a Catholic church that promotes social justice and takes a more open position like my own rather than the very, very conservative stance my home parish has been force feeding us. The reality is I may need to start looking outside the Catholic church… it’s just hard to walk away from the traditional liturgical aspects that I love and take comfort in. But if I’m not being fed there anymore than it’s time to move on. I refuse to attend holiday or holy day services there anymore following a series of bad decisions and tacky/inappropriate choices of our main priest. I stopped going up to receive the Eucharist a few weeks ago. The priest gave a very judgmental homily and it was extremely conservative and basically said that if you support any ideas aside from those he had stated then you weren’t right with the Lord and were not welcome to receive the Eucharist. If you have any doubt in your heart about these teachings than you shouldn’t receive. The worst part was that our Gathering song that week had been “All Are Welcome.” What a lie. Not even most are welcome apparently. I don’t feel comfortable participating in the Eucharist at my church anymore, and that is so central to the Catholic faith that I don’t feel fulfilled in my experience at mass now.
The search for a church where I belong isn’t a new quest. I’ve been on it for several years. I find it difficult to walk away from my music ministry, which I would have to do. I just can’t decide where I belong in the realm of organized religion. I know I want to find a church where I can be comfortable attending and participating in services every week, well on the weekends I don’t work at least. I like the services at the chapel where I attended College. The priest was excellent, the music was excellent. I was involved in all the ministries and loved the way liturgy was done there. But I had a rather significant falling out with the Liturgist/music director there (which was completely ridiculous and ended very immaturely on her part) so I’ve already been told that I would never be welcome to participate in choir/cantoring/lectoring/eucharistic ministry. So I can’t really see myself being comfortable there anymore.
I know what I’m looking for, I just haven’t yet found it.
This is why I love my Anglican church so much. I’m Agnostic, but it’s pretty amazing. Reverend Andrea is kickass; once I wore a “Stop Homophobia” pin to church (I was going to Pride that day) and she pointed to it and said “Amen.” Also, she never wears shoes. It’s also quite similar liturgically to the Catholic church, to be truthful (I went to Catholic church for many years), although I don’t know that Anglicanism is actually a thing in the States …
